BETRAYED
“Grandma never farted, you know?” I muse out loud.
“Me own Mam declared herself “fartless” too.
Even the word was forbidden.
TRUMP! That’s what we said.”
I laugh,
“Remember that time I said I’d had a crap day at school?
Oo-ya buggar-ah! I only said it the once!
BOB was for us, an’ I ‘ated it. Proper Lesta, innit?
I never gave my kids bobs and pees.
They had poos and wees instead.
Silly aint it? Still couldn’t bring meself to allow ‘em
to say fart though. Trumps for us an’ all.
I fart, o’ course.
‘Cept at the table. And never wi-out a “Pardon Me.”
I wink at my dad in the passenger seat
Where I put him.
“Last night I dreamt I’d not seen you for ages.
And then there you were in a waiting room.
I knew it were you on account o’ your blue jumper,
You took a minute to recognise me – on account o’ me face mask.
I knelt down and cried me ‘art out on your lap
‘Cause I hadn’t known when I’d see you again.
You said you’d told me you were going to Canada
So I wouldn’t waste precious time looking for you.
Then, you were gone and I was on our old road
An’ all I could think was “’Av I still got me key?”
I needed to gerr-in so I could wait for you there.”
I bite my lip, trying to find the right words.
“He ses we’ve gorra sell the van soon Dad!”
I blurt and a torrent of tears cascade down my cheeks.
“We don’t need this many seats no more ya see?”
I try to keep my eyes on the road ahead.
But I know he’s watching me.
I know he’s thinking “I aint bothered what car ya drive!”
He just likes to come along.
Even when someone else sits in his seat.
I don’t know if anyone else knows he’s there
He sits so quiet. Happy to stare out the window.
A new car might help with the flashbacks I get
(When I’m five or ten minutes from home),
Of when I drove him to the hospital that time
And when I brought him home.
I pull onto the drive, turn off the engine,
Reach over and pat his knee.
The upholstery feels warm from the heated seat function.
I get out and go round to open his door.
“Come on then Dad, best wait inside then ay?”
The ring doorbell catches me helping no one out of the van.
© Juliette Proffitt 2026 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
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Beautiful Messy Life 