PURPOSE-LESS

Fifteen years of meat and veg dinners.
Six days a week. Five O’ Clock on the dot.
Little blue plastic table with
Little blue plastic chairs.
Carried into the living room.
For want of more space.

When finally, two pennies to rub together,
There came in a wooden one.
Followed by thirty-two legs,
‘Cause we knew we’d need ‘em”,
Eight chairs, when we were just four.

Only fresh would do, so I peeled and sliced,
Pork chops done to death
While I learnt to master and listen for favourites.
Hot puddings,
And three kinds of stuffing!

Four became six and still plates of colour
Decorated the table with its knots and knocks.
Paint stains and scratches.
Memories of dried carrots and board games.
And I loved it all.

Every mark a reminder of life unfolding.
The traditions, the rows, the love and laughs.
The joy of purpose and pride
Of filling ‘em up!
Six became eight for a while. Just a while.

Quickly replaced – all those years of dinners.
For the commute, the gym, the friends much cooler
Than those sitting at the table.
Trying to serve a slice of family still
To two little girls.

There are empty chairs again.
Five is much too early they say.
So is six, seven, eight…most days.
To share the meal, the day, the company.
Instead the microwave reheats and pings.

I don’t like it.

They stop coming,
The dinners, I mean. The desire long left.
Motivation gone to shit. Packed up in a box
With legos and dolls. Pretend food no longer plated along side mine. No place set for Teddy.

And 𝑻𝑯𝑬𝑵 they call “What’s for dinner Mam?”
But I’m not there.
Neither is the nostalgic smell of Yorkshire puddings.
And they don’t like it that I’m not home at five.
Where could she be?

Waiting outside classes,
At the table with the wobbly leg
Instead of dressing the wooden one.
Someone snapped off the candle wick long ago
And drew a penis in the dust.

And I don’t like it.

Not one whit.

© 2024 Juliette Proffitt ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

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