Those of you who know me by now, know that I write real and relatable content. I see no point in making things up to please the masses. The way in which I talk about life and its experiences is probably one of the reasons you follow me and I am very glad to have you along! I need to feel understood and heard at times too. I’m just like you.

It’s been a while since I had a day like today that I could write about. For quite a long time my pages have been dotted with home and educating posts – the odd poem here and there. But today has been one of those very real, motherhood days where you know you’ve done your best but you can’t and won’t do anymore! You’ve just heard too much crap and put up with even more. My personal way of dealing with this is to leave no one in any doubt that Mummy needs space and that its expected everyone will get an early night! I can do this safe in the knowledge that I am a good mum and I am human.

So, here I am at not even 8 pm tucked up in bed, enjoying some enforced peace and quiet. The day started well enough, but by the time the school run was done I felt like I’d already been run through the mill. Driving home again, I sat wondering how I could address the issue of being shouted at by my child at the top of their lungs for failing to understand certain behaviour…or was it because I had simply said something they didn’t feel like hearing? Moreover, how to explain that unbuckling your seatbelt and jumping out the door before I’ve parked completely really isn’t on. Especially, when you leave the door open and walk off, leaving a lady and her pushchair unable to pass.

Back home, the girls had decided on a movie morning. We had plans to go to our Home Ed meet just before lunch but they were visably tired and we have friends to play tomorrow afternoon. Not wanting to let them down we opted to cancel the meet today instead. Thursdays are not normally a day when we would show pencil to paper but because we were at home I found myself wondering if we really ought to be doing something. The girls had other plans. I decided to book a haircut to cheer myself up a bit. I normally cut my own hair.

Later in the car, sporting my new do, which is a considerable five inches shorter, I collect a child who fails to notice. I ask plesantly how their day was. They don’t remember. They don’t remember any of it not even what the last thing they just did was, apparently. But they remember how to shout at me about that, the fact I spoke to them when they were trying to sleep two minutes into the car journey and that their aquaintence is a liar for some reason I don’t know why.

At their appointment, I point out “Isn’t that silly,” because the garland reads

H A P P Y Y E A S T E R – Two Y’s.

I should have thought first. I am now told some people spell it like that when they want to and how bad it is of me to point out things that are incorrect, like I think I’m clever or something. On the way home I’m asked to drop off and re-collect them later. I think I’m not in the mood to do that. So I don’t.

Back home again my children are hungry. We live in England. Broccoli is in season. I sympathise that I’m sorry Mango and Pineapple are not of our shores. Roast dinner. One finishes at lightning speed leaving me feeling guilty they didn’t have enough. A second with achy teeth can chomp their way through a chicken breast, lightly steamed carrots, parsnip and roast potatoes but leaves the falling apart cauliflower and broccoli, obviously.

We have the one who doesn”t like parsnips at all which rubs off on the last two who now can’t eat anything despite being the ones who’ve hounded me for the past hour “Is dinner ready yet? I’m STARVING!”

It’s time to wash the pots. I’d like to take time to inform the washer that there is an extra sharp knife not usually used in the sink. I start to speak but forget that I will be cut off mid sentence because they already know. And now I’m losing a little bit of my shit and the washer knows that the absolutley wisest thing to do now is to smile at me a smile that says “Ha Ha! Look at you who has no control!” I forgive myself in this difficult moment as I suggest they take the organic consequences of doing that and suck it up.

It’s bedtime. “I don’t care what time it is, today is done.” I had peior arrangements to watch a show in my bed with a younger one. Except she wants to know if instead of the dinner she didn’t fancy earlier she could have an apple and a biscuit instead. She doesn’t think she will fancy the dinner tomorrow, no. I’m irritated as I explain to her about seasonal foods, costs associated with out of season stock and the fact that when we buy the food we have to cook it which means we kind of pay for it twice really. That if she chooses not to eat the food it goes into the bin which is like me putting five pounds into the bin and giving her an apple. I feel like I’m getting cross as I ask her to think about the person who finds the money to pay for the food and also those people less fortunate than herself and suggest that maybe she could try to eat her dinner a little more often because then maybe she wouldn’t be hungry ten minutes after leaving the table!

***

It’s been a worthwhile hour sitting here getting it all off my chest. Venting they call it. And safe venting at that. Not raging and ranting and berating all over the house or to Mr Lemon as soon as he walks in the door. Talking about how grubby a day has left you feeling from time to time is actually a great way to process and compartmentalise your feelings. After a good airing I am always much more amicable! I find that as I get it all off my chest I work through the difficulties and reflect on what went badly, what went well and what can be improved upon.

I know that I need to speak with my teens to explain to them how they are responsible for their actions and I am responsible for holding them accounbtable at times. That if they cross boundaries life will throw them naturally, organic consequences. I can explain to them that taking time to notice what’s going on around them and not just whats happening to them will hold them in good stead for maintaining joyful relationships.

I also realised that there is a little girl who is growing fast in my nest. One who hasn’t wanted to give me “All the kisses” just before bedtime for a while now but who has been trying to seek me out for to watch shows and have snuggles instead. I need to be sure to set aside some special time more often for this one and offer to swap out broccoli sometimes for beans.

© 2024 Juliette Proffitt

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