We spend a great deal of our time out and about, running errands, visiting places of beauty or interest and meeting up with friends in regular groups. The natural ebb and flow of the seasons will have us snuggled up at home one minute and out discovering the world the next. There seems to be a time for everything and one of my favourite things about raising children freely is that we can do what we like when we like!
As it happens Mr Lemon has been home from work through the winter and when Daddy is home we automatically place a pause on our usual routines because we want to make the most of him! With an extra adult pair of hands around my life is undoubtedly made easier and the kids get more milkshakes, crazy golf and swimming! (I’m a human Mummy and I don’t pretend to enjoy everything my children want to do.) Our usual flow is swapped out for more fun and family time.
As the spring is almost here “Daddy” has returned to work, and I do miss him. Not just for the help he gave me around the house and with the children, lightening my load by doing what good men do, but also for his company. My friend for life. 27 years to be exact. We have our fair share of ups and downs and we don’t always see eye to eye, but we do well together and each of us brings our skills and personalities to the table. We complement each other and life without the other is poorer for it.
So, when he’s gone I notice all the ways in which he isn’t now in my day. Sure, there are fewer clothes and shoes to pick up and fewer impulse parcels being delivered. Haha! No one is poking fun at my woman’s logic of where to store things around the house and no one is sneakily trying to change those places to ones that “make more sense”.
But there is also no one to smile at across the room over what we have had a part in creating or some funny thing one of the girls says. No one to tag team with when my hands are full of soap suds and potato peelings and someone hollers from the bathroom. No one to double check a puzzle or problem with when I’m unsure myself or walk with me as the children run off ahead on one of our adventure walks.
Working outside the home is hard at times and our lifestyle means that responsibility lies with Mr Lemon. And all that comes with it too. The elements of ones job that others seldom see, realise or accept exist. There are bits others pretend not to know about and it can be cold and lonely out there, I know. They are the silent strength and protector.
Being home with children can be challenging and lonely too. All the additional elements that exist but go unnoticed. Tasks that when you talk about them, seem trivial and easy but in reality can suck the very strength out of both your body and mind and claim your identity along with it.
You are the home maker. The carer. The softness. The hope.
Just as the one who goes “out” to work lies awake at night crunching numbers because someone decided they would be difficult about paying their invoice or someone treats them appallingly and they have to stand and take it, the stay-at-home-mum also has a bundle of less savoury tasks. She is often everyones therapist, the “convenient target” or “default scapegoat” for frustrations and grievances.
Ours is a life we have chosen with our children’s best interests at heart. So, Mr Lemon goes out the door while the house still sleeps and my heart aches. I pick up the other half of my usual load again. In our house, there is always a lot to do and I should do it well. I feel the weight now it’s all left to me once more even though I wouldn’t change it.
I am beyond thankful for the life weve built together, each of us playing our part to the best of our ability. Yet, my heart eagerly awaits the next time he can stay home to walk beside me in my world, illuminating it with his presence and love.
© 2024 Juliette Proffitt
Beautiful Messy Life 