The day your oldest child leaves home is a momentous occasion in any parent’s life. It marks the beginning of a new chapter, not only for them but also for you as a parent. As your child takes their first steps towards independence, it’s natural to experience a whirlwind of emotions. This blog post will guide you through understanding what is happening, how to navigate your feelings, and how to support your child as they embark on this transformative journey.

Recently, my eldest son took his very first step out as an adult into independent living. Seperate from me. Making his own choices, his own way. Forever more. I cannot begin to describe the volume of emotions I have felt during this process although it wasn’t a shock. We were expecting it. In fact we actively encouraged it as dynamics and tensions within our home had been signalling for some time that our baby was no longer that. He was ready to spread his wings and soar.

But we weren’t quite ready. And so, we tried and failed, argue’d and got it wrong, tried some more and realised. The the time was right for allowing him to take everything we had hoped to prepare him for, and put it into practice his way.

Of course, the key to our home and hearts is always in his possession. We hope we have done enough that he knows we are rooting for him to succeed and proud beyond measure. Should he stumble or need a listening ear, we are here. Yet, we know he must seize the day. I have put together what I have learnt in the hope you find it easier than me. I think it could have been a little easier on my mothers heart, if I had known more.

Understanding the Transition:

1. Recognize Their Need for Independence: As your child grows, they develop a desire for autonomy and self-discovery. Leaving home is a crucial step in this process. It allowing them to explore life on their terms.
2. Embrace Change: Understand that change is a part of life. Your child’s departure is not an abandonment but a natural progression towards adulthood. An opportunity for growth and transformation for both you and your child. It may be a little bumpy but its worth it.

Navigating Your Emotions:

1. Feel the Emotions: It’s okay to feel a mix of emotions, including sadness, anxiety, and even pride. I found it is vital not only to acknowledge and accept these feelings as a normal response to change, but also to allow them. Being able to say “I feel so bereft/worried/lost right now and I dont have all the answers.” is very freeing. You can listen to one of the poems I wrote to help myself here.
2. Communication is Key: Talk to your child about your emotions. Share your concerns, hopes, and love for them whilst explaining that you understand what must be, but that it doesn’t make things easier. Ask them to be gentle with you right now and in return share their excitement and nerves over the move. Open and honest communication can strengthen your bond during this transition.

Supporting Your Child:

1. Respect Their Independence: While you may want to offer guidance, resist the urge to micromanage their choices. Allow them to make their own decisions, even if you disagree. One of the things I remember was my sons father saying “Well, whats he going to do when he realises its more than just food shopping? What about laundry detergent and cleaning products?” Thinking about it now makes me laugh at the obsurdity but fortunately I could carry him at that moment. I could see that three things were happening. Firstly, he was hurting. His boy was leaving home. Secondly, he was worried, what if he hadn’t the budget? And thirdly, he wanted his son to still see him as an advisor. I gently explained that whilst I was sure he had budgeted for these items, none of it really mattered because he would soon find out and learn to deal with it in his own way. That right now, what we thought was not important and we must learn to let it be.
2. Be There When They Need You & Celebrate With Them: Your role as a parent evolves from caregiver to friend and supporter. Let your child come to you for advice or comfort on their terms. Be available, but don’t impose your presence. Celebrate their milestones and accomplishments, no matter how small. Show them that you believe in their capabilities and remain encouraging.

The Joy of Being Wanted:

1. Quality Over Quantity: Cherish the moments when your child visits because they miss you. It’s a testament to the strong bond you share. Focus on the quality of your time together rather than the quantity. In todays modern world a text message can be a real tonic. I keep mine short, sweet and positive. The odd emoji here and there! It is wonderful to get back in reply “Ok, Thanks. I love you X”
2. Acceptance and Encouragement: Embrace your new role as a source of acceptance, encouragement, and belief in your child’s abilities. Watching them leave home can be both heart-wrenching and exhilarating. It’s a reminder that you’ve done your job well as a parent, preparing them for the world. You are now to be a pillar of support as your child takes flight. As they continue to thrive in the world around them they will always feel your acceptance and love and know that they can rely on you no matter where they go.

Remember that your child’s desire for your presence, even in a different capacity now, is a beautiful affirmation of the special bond you share.

My book Beautiful Messy Life – Poetry For Womens Growth & Motherhoods Journey is available now on Amazon!

You can listen to a selection of poems being read aloud for FREE here.