THE LAMPLIGHTER CHAPTERS
I was once told that we change every seven years and I have come to realise that there is actually there is actually a fair amount of research backed truth in what I initially thought was an Old Wives Tale. Our bodies and minds are changing and regenerating all the time but it has long been understood that Seven Year cycles or shifts are definining and important. In short, they are very real. During my own life, I’ve experienced definite shifts and not just in the way my body itself is ageing. I find, as I’m sure most people do, that the way I view the world in particular and my purpose within it has altered.
I have definitely been on a cycle of questioning of late. I suppose it’s the “finding myself/questioning or crisis” phase. Attitudes and beliefs I once had have received much scrutiny. Self-reflection has not always been my friend. We often draw on past events, don’t we? Call upon our memories to try to help us define our behaviours. We want answers to why we are the way we are or what’s preventing us from being who we want to be.
I thought I couldn’t have been feeling that way for as long as seven years! But then, when I really gave it some thought, a lot had changed in that time period and the things that had, were not small. I’m sure if you were to sit and think carefully you might (in the same cycle as me), also be able to clock up several big life events that have either occurred because of your own soul searching or that have resulted in you taking the road less travelled.
I found that my friendships and how often I felt like socialising changed. What I did for work and my personal ambitions too. I felt like I needed to evaluate what I wanted out of life and that didn’t always align with my partner. Together we had to learn how to be ok with that. Somewhere along the way, in the jumble of having our sixth child, home educating, being thrust into a global pandemic, becoming self published and losing very dear and close family members, our older children had become teenagers.
They shook us up and turned us on our heads so that we bent and adjusted our parenting style to accommodate their growth more times than we knew if we were right to do so! In fact, sometimes I was left feeling like I didn’t know whether I was coming or going, being bullied, over-sensitive or not asserting enough boundaries. I was very aware that whilst we had become experts at loving and raising babies and small children, we were sailing unchartered territory now and had lots to learn. So many different areas of life needed review and I had embarked upon a quest to discover who I really was and what about myself I wanted to work on.
I began to acknowledge getting older and made extra conscious efforts to take care of myself for my future health. Among other things, I challenged myself to experiment with being sober in a society where that is not considered a fun or interesting thing to be. It wasn’t just my children that were maturing, I was too.
So in fact, it was quite apparent that a very important seven year cycle had been occurring these past years!
The reason I got to thinking about all this in the first place was not because I had noticed what had been happening in the moment. It was that I felt the next shift. Powerfully. Like the sound of thunder or that of great rocks colliding. I was different. I had reached a point where I needed to pause because I’d had enough of changing! I felt as if I had been losing myself by trying too hard to accept the world, his wife and everything in between. I really don’t quite know how to describe it very well except that I had been working so hard at understanding everyone else and trying to figure out what I was supposed to be doing next, that I was compromising who I was.
Sure, I had also been working hard on becoming the kind of person I wanted to be, as I reflected in Finding Your Inner Strength – Affirmations and Self Love. I’d grown in many ways for the better and wanted to continue to learn as much as I could about what it is we all as people really need from each other. That will always be my life’s work! Yet, I had an uneasy feeling that I was beginning to let my desire to do better, take over what I actually believed to be right or wrong in my heart and mind. Regardless of what anyone else should think. My opinions and the values I hold dear. Intuitively and authentically, me.
Isn’t it what’s deep within us that makes a person unique? That forms the essence of who I am? Who we all are and perhaps should not be changed so much at all?
I wanted to be able to contemplate times when it was less me and more someone else that needed self improvement. To consider, “Are we all actually doing the best we can?” I wanted to manage how I react to people without sacrificing a piece of myself in the process.
I had been spending far too much time in the sky. Not “on the fence” but climbing trees to get a better view of both sides. I needed to get the hell down and work on believing in myself!
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Armed with my knowledge and experience from all the years of listening, talking, researching, reflecting and implementing, I should now slow myself to a steady hum and explore some new thoughts whilst being confident that my ingrained essence needn’t be in doubt.
Fundamentally, I believe all our moral compass’ are still pointing at our truths. Guiding us like North stars to where we need to be. We are as ever, in the driving seat and responsible for which way we turn, but as the world changes we can add in what feels right or omit things that no longer serve us and what we stand for. We are all supposed to be different. Always learning. Let’s just make sure that as one phase of our life ends and another begins, we take some time to allow ourselves to realise the version we have been working on for so long. To know just how wonderful we are and how imperfect can still be beautiful.
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Beautiful Messy Life 